Chapter 3- Xi Cheng Falling in Love
While Beijing’s April already brought the first sign of spring, the final wave of cold is yet to leave. It is evening, the sun is slowly setting, and the sky is getting dark. Xi Cheng sits upon his blue Suzuki 250 Motorcycle, smoking the 12th cigarette for the day. His precious ride is now off, quietly waiting with Xi Cheng.
Xi Cheng shivers a few times in the cold, he starts to regret the foolish decision of only wearing a playboy crewneck and a thin Kenzo windbreaker in an effort to look cool. Though his body is cold, there seems to be a small fire in his heart that keeps his inside nice and warm. He bites his teeth: “Miserable? Think of the twenty-five thousand red army men. Tired? Think of the red army that came before you.” He thinks proudly: “It's just a bit cold, compared to my feeling of going up a mountain of blades or down a sea of fire for her, this is nothing.”
Then he thinks again: “But I’m also a retard, why not bring a coat or thick sweater, and then takes it off when she shows up. Then again, who knows when she’ll come down, what if she saw me as I’m taking my coats off……” While Xi Cheng struggled to process all these thoughts, the community security guards already came by twice. Xi Cheng ignored them, but they can ignore him no longer.
A short security guard walks near and yells at Xi Cheng, “What are you doing here?”
Xi Cheng admits: “In contemplation.”
Shorty: “This is a residential community, not a place for people to contemplate for fun. If you have no business, please leave soon.”
Xi Cheng: “Did you create earth? Isn’t this Chinese territory? If it's Chinese territory then Chinese citizens should be allowed to contemplate here.”
Shorty: “If you want to contemplate, go contemplate at Tiananmen Square, maybe they will hire you as a crowd actor when they film “Founding Ceremony of the Nation” again.”
Xi Cheng: “Funny! Angie Chai didn’t dare to choose me for “Meteor Garden” because I’d steal all the spotlight from F4. You want me to be a crowd actor when they wouldn’t even dare to hire me for “Meteor Garden”?”
Shorty: “F4? New fighter jet? Are you retarded, competing with a fighter jet?”
Xi Cheng: “Hold it, you here to make fun of me or what? Kept on cutting me off. Just go away, I’m trying to wait for someone.”
Shorty: “Then why don’t you say you are waiting for someone earlier. Waiting is waiting, you have to say “contemplation”. Young people nowadays, you all act like aliens……Oi, who are you waiting for? Which building?”
Xi Cheng: “To be honest, I don’t know. I just know that I escorted that girl back under this building.”
Shorty: “So you don’t even know what is in the soup before you drink it? Waiting for someone you don’t even know?”
Xi Cheng: “Bro, Brother, what about I call you grandpa? Just get going, it won’t look good if she saw me hanging out with you when she came down.
Shorty: “What, think you're too good to hang out with me? Don’t think you are a superman just because you got some looks, kid! You are still here waiting for the girl to show up, aren’t you? It’s probably one-sided, right?”
“Don’t judge me because I’m old now, back in my day I’m the most popular cool kid back in Chang Ping county. I never wait for girls, it's all the girls waiting for me in front of my door. My mother used to try to drive them off with a feather duster, and they wouldn’t even leave. Heh, us two together, who knows who is making who losing face.”
Xi Cheng: “All right, Love Saint, Love God, I lose to you. Please just get a move on, at least give me some alone time to think about what to say later.”
Shorty: “Who exactly are you waiting for? Just for the record, there are lots of thieves nowadays, and they are all extravagant youngsters like you. Then again, if you tell me what happened, maybe a veteran of love such as myself can do what I can to carry a youngster.”
Xi Cheng suddenly blushed a little (and his eyes a bit dazed): “It’s not much really. I was rushing to a competition yesterday, but I hit a girl with my bike on the way. Thankfully, she wasn’t hurt, just a bit startled. I called a taxi and helped home, which is this place.”
“The girl was really nice, and didn't make a big deal of it. She just told me to drive slower next time. It was I that got really scared. Sigh…. So, I wanted to pay another visit, in case anything did happen to her and they couldn’t find who was responsible.”
The short security guard nodded as he listened on, then spoke up: “It would’ve been better if that girl really made a big deal out of this, then you don’t have to be so worried now.”
Xi Cheng claps his hand: “You know me so well!” Then he looks towards the shorty, puzzled: “How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”
The shorty calmly stroked the few strands of goatee on his chain, and slowly spoke: “If that girl made a big deal out of this, you would know her address, home number and cell phone numbers by now. You wouldn’t have to be blindly waiting here.”
Xi Cheng was almost moved to tears at this, he grabbed the shorty’s hand: “Big brother, you truly understand my feelings. What should I do now, please give me some pointers!”
The shorty waves his hand: “You’ve got the right person! Based on my knowledge of the female comrades of this community, you just have to briefly describe the girl’s appearance and I can tell you all her detailed information.”
Xi Cheng: “Brother, you really are as they say, exemplary at your job, yet stylish and elegant!” With that, he took out a 100 dollar bill and handed it to the shorty: “A small gift, thank you for the help, brother.”
The shorty rolls his eyes: “Funny! Do I look like this kind of person? Take it back!”
Xi Cheng immediately put the money away and smiled: “Brother, I don’t know how to do things, please forgive me.”
Shorty: “If I didn’t forgive you, you think I’d still be here talking with you? You think I really don’t know who is F4? Tell you, F4 is the shorthand for USA’s ex-president Franklin, he is the number four in his family, so that’s why they call him F4, got it?”
Xi Cheng quickly nods: “Yes yes, you are right.”
The shorty nods: “Good kid, humble. Do you have any “35”?”
Xi Cheng searches his pocket: “Eh, I don’t have any. Sigh, I can’t appreciate good things, and I thought smoking 35 is too low end --- I’ve got two packs of pandas, a specialty that I got from my old man. Those at the state council all smoke this.” Then he passed it to the shorty: “Have a taste sir, if you like it, I’ll get you a few more packs, you can’t buy them out there.”
The Shorty took a single one out, lit it up and returned the rest to Xi Cheng: “Vulgar --- Don’t do materialistic things like this all the time. No matter how you look at it, I am still a party member.”
Xi Cheng quickly took the cigarettes back: “Yes, yes.”
Shorty: “Go ahead, what does the girl look like”
Xi Cheng: “I couldn’t get a good look since I was in a rush. She is about 162-163 cm tall, her skin white and smooth, almost as though it's transparent. Her long hair reaches done to her shoulder, it is not dyed and is shining black. Her eyes aren't very big, but very bright. The curvature of her face is beautiful, pointed chains. Resembles Zhou Xun but without that vulgar feeling. Her nose is slightly pointed, right on the spot. Her small mouth is rose red, and she has a pair of dimples when she smiles. Even her startled appearance is cute like a small bird……”
Shorty waves his hand: “Alright that’s enough, the situation is clear. Her name is Jing’Er, one of the highlights of our community. Her precise height is 162.5cm, her parents are both university professors and she received good education since childhood. She is currently a third-year in Beijing Foreign Language University, majoring in French. Violin level 10, good with making dumplings, loves photography. She does not like to eat green peppers or stinky tofu. Her favorite person is Albert Einstein, her least favorite person is none. Her relationship status is single, with many pursuers. Her number: 13809192346….Kid, you gotta work hard.”
Xi Cheng held the shorty’s hand tightly: “You truly are a party member dedicated to serving the people. Thank you, I will always remember you!”
Shorty: “She lives in building 2, room 201, want me to call her for you?”
Xi Cheng: “A coincidental meeting is better than a planned one, I’ll just wait here.”
The shorty laughs: “Waiting like this counts as a coincidence?”
Xi Cheng nods, an determined expression on his face: “I will wait for her here. She will have to come down and pass by here eventually.”
The shorty looks at his watch: “Hmm, then you probably have to wait 17 more minutes. She usually comes down at 7 to throw out the trash. I’ll be on my way, fare well.”
The shorty disappeared into the night, as Xi Cheng tearfully gazed towards his back. “Who says there are no more Lei Feng*1 at this age?” He thought, “I’ve met a true and pure Lei Feng today…Brother, thank you! I will save a drink for you at my wedding!”
As Xi Cheng anxiously waits for his dream girl, Liu Zuo and Dangerous Fart are experiencing a very different scene at Nanjing. They are both fighting in a server called Cheater’s Heaven. The unique thing about this server is that it clearly states that there will be no anti-cheat measures taken, and welcomes all hackers to come into the game here. The hackers are finally able to find their comrades here, and all kinds of new hacks make their appearance, making for a chaotic battlefield.
Liu Zuo and Dangerous fart are right in the middle of it, yet they are not using any cheats. Despite this, their score remains the top two in the server.
Dangerous Fart turns to Liu Zuo and Smiles: “How's this idea of mine? Coming to practice in Cheater’s Heaven is best for your reaction time, any slower and you will get dinked by aimbot.”
Liu Zuo killed another, and yawns: “Lacking passion.”
Dangerous Fart: “It’s over, you are craving old age.”
Liu Zuo: “Have some class, talking like Bai Yansong*2 is asking for self-degradation.”
Dangerous Fart thought for a moment: “The way you talk makes it seem like you are missing a bit of ultimate concern.”
Liu Zuo slumps into his chair and begged: “Please stop disgusting me with this crap of yours.”
Dangerous Fart: “Hurry here, we are planting…….Do you think we should plant at the A point of overwhelming passion, or B point of persistent reason?”
Liu Zuo: “Is Bai Yansong your dad? Of all the people you had to imitate, you chose him. If you do it on the street people might punch you in the face.”
Dangerous Fart leisurely lit a cigarette: “You want to see me imitate Ni Ping*3?”
Liu Zuo looked at him, said nothing, and then dropped his mouse and sprinted towards the toilet to barf.
Dangerous Fart smiles proudly: “Little brat, too easy to mess with you.”
Liu Zuo and Big P rested well on top of the scoreboard, ahead of everyone else. Compared to the hellish match against A Jie, beating hackers in Cheater’s Heaven is like a walk in the park. Soon, some hackers begin to express admiration to the pair.
“Left (CS ID of Liu Zuo), what kind of hacks are you using, it’s so strong!”
“Left, you are so strong! Can you share some hacking experience?”
Liu Zuo was just going to tell them to buzz off before Big P stopped him. Big P kindly replied to the hackers : “I am Left’s manager, you can direct any question to me.”
“We want to know where you downloaded a hack this strong?”
Big P smiles: “We wrote it.”
“Can you hook us up?”
Big P smiles again: “That can be arranged, but you will have to pay us first. 50 bucks per.”
“Too expensive, a bit cheaper please.”
Big P: “Fine, it is fate that we meet on the same server, I’ll give you twenty percent off.”
Liu Zuo: “Don’t bluff them, what if they actually pays”
Big P shakes his head and draws a circle with his finger: “I wouldn’t make porcelain pots without a diamond drill. I already wrote the secret hacking guide.”
Liu Zuo:”You know how to code? I was wrong about you.”
Big P: “Hey, don’t judge me just because I was a salesman, simple things like this are a piece of cake for me. Here, it’s done.” With that, he passed Liu Zuo a slip of paper, upon it was written several lines of letters:
This is a secret guide I found in the Shennongjia Wildness Zone back in 2000, there was an UFO that was slowly flying away at the time. Below is the content of the secret guide, the content of which is protected by copyright, redistribution is strictly prohibited and infringement will be prosecuted……
The content of the guide is written in bold black character, which certainly makes an impression.
Shameful cheat, go eat shit.
You are a hack, worse than prick!
Train and study, proper ways.
Honesty and faith, we all praise.
Liu Zuo almost choked laughing. He returns the slip of paper to Big P: “Is it okay to do this?”
What they did not expect is that there really will be a cheater that was inspired by Big P’s secret guide, and worked to become a pro. Though that is a tale for another time.
Ofcourse, Cheater’s Heaven isn’t smooth sailing even for pros like Liu Zuo and Big P. The pair is playing as CT, and they quickly noticed a T by the name of Pig Head 3 proves to be a tough nut to crack.
“Even hackers have differences in skill level” Commented Big P, “Look, even though they are all hackers, they still have different tactics and game sense. You can instantly tell that Viva is a retard, running around like an idiot just because he has a wall hack, and gets dinked right when he pops out. Look at how crafty that Pig Head 3 guy is, running around with his little hat, hitting you hard when you aren’t looking. Heheh, I like.”
Liu Zuo: “His game sense and tactical thinking is extraordinary, he seems to have practiced professionally. That’s odd…” Liu Zuo thought: “With his skill, he can be a pro even without cheating. Why does he have to hack? Don’t tell me he is born a prick?”
With that, Liu Zuo and Big P set their eyes on Pig Head 3. The last T standing is always Pig Head 3, so Liu Zuo and Big P would chase him around. They never kill him with one shot, but instead slowly torture him to death by chipping at him while shooting on the move.
After a few times, Pig Head 3 had enough, he started by displaying force: “You two shitters wanna die? I’m gonna wreck you both next round!”
When that failed, he resorted to reasoned negotiation: “There are many terrorists around, don’t just focus on me.”
When that too failed, he fell back to an emotional plea: “Big bros, you two are pros, please don’t make fun of this poor little guy.” He has no idea what kind of people he is dealing with.
Big P snickers : “Heheh, you think your words can move heartless bounty hunters like us two?”
Pig Head 3 finally had no recourse against this harassment, he raged: “I can’t beat you two because my internet is too fucking slow. I dare you to find a server with the same ping to 1v1 me.”
Big P: “Aha, how do you know 1v1 is our specialty?
Liu Zuo waves his hand and stops Big P, then turns to ask Pig Head 3: “You are in Nanjing, right?”
Pig Head 3: “How did you know?”
Liu Zuo: “I can tell from your IP, stupid.”
He paused for a moment, then went on: “If you really want to 1v1 us, come to my home, 1v1 on our LAN, it will definitely have the same Ping.
Pig Head 3 went silent for a while.
Big P smiles: “Kid, Scared? Pissing in your pants yet?”
Pig Head 3 raged: “You stinking fart, only a brat would be scared. 4PM tomorrow, I have no class, I’ll come 1v1 you in your home!”
Big P said surprisingly: “How did you know my nickname is Stinky Fart?”
Pig Head 3: “I saw it with my fucking wall hack, got a problem?”
Big P: “Please don’t~~~ I am not wearing underwear today……”
Pig Head 3 Faints.
Xi Cheng finally met Jing’Er
Even years later, this classic scene of encounter is still etched in his memory.
Xi Cheng, shivering in the freezing wind, finally saw the girl that had been on his mind. The little beauty was wearing thick cotton pajamas, like a ragdoll. Her hair is slightly messy, and she is yawning as she lobbed a very large black garbage bag (like those body bags you see at a murder scene) towards the dumpster. Her throw went short as she didn’t have quite enough strength, and she reached for the garbage bag to try again.
Xi Cheng darted in front of her, agilely picked up the garbage bag and tossed it into the dumpster. The little beauty was startled by the sudden appearance of Xi Cheng, she first yelled in surprise, then let out a sign of relief when she recognized who it was. Her white jade like hands on her chest, she smiles: “You really scared me – I thought someone is trying to steal the garbage.”
Though he had prepared thousands of lines, Xi Cheng still encountered the great crisis of his life. He suddenly forgot how to speak.
Jing’Er looks at him with her lips closed in a small smile: “Why did you come? Didn’t I tell you I am okay?”
Xi Cheng looks at her, his mouth struggling to make some sound, yet all he can manage is mumble. Jing’Er looks at him, a little puzzled now: “What’s wrong? Could it be that while I was okay, you hurt yourself?”
Xi Cheng continued his struggle, finally, he can manage to speak a bit more clearly. What he did not expect is that his first line would be: “Did you eat yet?”
Jing’Er says yes, and asks if Xi Cheng is here to see her.
Xi Cheng: “Yes, yes. I am here to see if you are bedridden. Then again, if you are lying in bed, I wouldn’t be seeing you.”
Jing’Er does not know how much regret Xi Cheng is having right now. In his experience, the first line spoken to the girl is crucial. In his history of successful dates, he never had such a boring opening. Moreover, it seems none of the things he is saying or planning to say could turn the situation around. In fact, he doesn’t even know what he is saying. All his thoughts are thrown into chaos by Jing’Er’s appearance. While Xi Cheng is still talking, that’s just him grasping for straws. He has no logic left.
Jing’Er smiles: “Pft, you are so silly. I already told you I’m okay. But you really are an honest gentleman for coming all the way to see me.
Xi Cheng’s bones almost melted at Jing’Er’s compliment. He looks at Jing’Er: “As long as you are alright…….I’ll do anything.”
Jing’Er tilts her head: “If something did happen to me, what would you do?”
Xi Cheng: “Then I will never forgive myself. If something really happened to you…sacrifice myself for you might just taint your name. Dedicating myself to you... I’m scared you wouldn’t want me. So I’d probably just end up as a sad old man in guilt.
Jing’Er: “You are funny. Well, thankfully I am okay. If you really become a sad old man, your girlfriend will be sad for sure.”
Xi Cheng instantly spoke up: “I have no girlfriend! …….no official girlfriend.”
Jing’Er waves her hand at Xi Cheng: “Alright, I have to go, or dad will think some wolf took me away. Bye!”
Xi Cheng: “Wait.” He then took out a bundle of fragrant Lily and a big box of chocolate: “This is for you.”
Jing’Er is clearly surprised for a moment, but then the smile that shook Xi Cheng’s heart returns to her face: “Thank you, I’ll take the flower, but I can’t take the chocolate.”
Xi Cheng: “Why? My..Intention is pure.” (He even starts to blush right after saying that himself.)
Jing’Er: “Because I don’t want to get fat, so, thank you, no chocolate.” Jing’Er took the flowers and darted up the apartment building like a little butterfly.
Xi Cheng feels a little dazed, not sure if it's because of overwhelming excitement or an early symptom of a cold. He slumped into his motorcycle, unable to move. Just then, the short security guard showed up like a ghost: “How is it, bro, went well?”
The startled Xi Cheng almost fell off of his bike, he pointed at the shorty and stuttered: “You you you you you’ve been there the whole time?”
“Heh, A coincidental meeting is better than a planned one. I’m done my shift, just passing by. He nods: “Hm, a good start is halfway to success, keep up the hard work.”
The next day, Xi Cheng finally developed a cold. He was sneezing the whole time while training in the net café, and smiled for no reason from time to time as though he was possessed. Rabbit quietly asks A Jie: “Bro, is Xi Cheng allright? It’s like there is something wrong with his head.”
A Jie walked beside Xi Cheng, just as he was about to speak, Xi Cheng suddenly raises his head with a big smile: “You know what, she said I am an honest gentleman.”
Rabbit barges in: “Who is she? Your new girlfriend or someone in the mental ward?”
Xi Cheng: “Wrong, she is my wife…” Then he added: “She just doesn't know she is my wife yet.”
A Jie pats Xi Cheng on the shoulder, and spoke seriously: “I won’t control your private life, but as long as it is practice and matches, you have to give it your all and take it seriously.”
Xi Cheng Nods: “I know. I am an honest gentleman. She doesn’t eat chocolates, don’t want to get fat.”
At 18:00, Xi Cheng suddenly disappeared, Rabbit and the rest of them searched the whole net café and couldn’t find him.
Ah K: “It seems he is truly in love. It’s always this kid’s girlfriend stepping aside for CS, never did Xi Cheng give up CS to hook up with a girl.”
Rabbit: “Why is this kid so lucky with girls, and we have to be forever alone?”
Ah K: “CSERs like us, cannot have girls!”
With that, Rabbit and Ah K hugged together like real comrades, and began to laugh like they were crying.
TL Notes:
1. Lei Feng -> Famous chinese hero known for being selfless and helpful to people around him, started a trend of "learning to be like lei feng" .
2. Bai Yansong -> Chinese news anchor/reporter, known for being quite deep in his commentaries and willinglyness to make sharp comments against unjust situations.
3. Ni Ping -> Female chinese actress/show hostess, famous for being one of the recurring hostess of Chinese New Years Gala (Chunwan) around the time when this book was written.
No comments:
Post a Comment